i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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