And the cops told us we were all naked.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
