like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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