He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
