How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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