I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my being single is dangerous.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
