Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
