The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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