I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
