I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
