90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
