My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
