i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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