these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
