Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
