First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
