...so i touched it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
