if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
