party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
