I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
