I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
