I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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