A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
