just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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