just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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