The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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