the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
