Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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