I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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