I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
