Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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