Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We had sex on a dog bed..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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