I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
