woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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