Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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