her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
