I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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