we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
