I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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