then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
