OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
