it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
