Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
