She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
