your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
