If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
