Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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