oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
