We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
