beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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