the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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