friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
