The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
