You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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