That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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