i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Houston, we have a blender
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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