Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
