Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
