wrigley field is MILF paradise
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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