well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
