He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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