The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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