I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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