oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
