No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
