I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize