Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
