If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We got so high we made milksteak
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize