she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
