I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
